[lurker]

More hype...

In The Headlines:

A wave of animal cruelty has the World Wildlife Federation

up in arms. On the first day of this New Year a lion was found

viciously mauled. A week later, a Bengal tiger was discovered

horribly beaten. While the lion only had fresh wounds, the tiger

appears to have been suffering regular beatings for years.


Just seven days after that, a colt was found battered. People

at the scene said it kept muttering something about not getting

enough protection. Hours ago, Denver authorities found another

horse, this time a bronco, wandering the streets. The horse was

not physically injured, but quite dazed and confused. When asked

about the incident, the hapless horse said "I was at home and

everything was fine. I was about to feed my pet snake when he

started choking and screaming about some sort of terrible towel

following it around."



Rumor has it that the next target will be some sort of bird, a Seahawk.

All of the victims report trying to peek behind a giant steel curtain

shortly before their incidents. As a result, the following warning has

been issued to all animals:


Peek behind a steel curtain, get hit by THE BUS!