[Kodiak]

KU Grads: "I employ several people in my corporation. I drive a Lexus and my wife, who doesn't have to work, drives a Land Rover. We are very successful. Now excuse me. We are heading out to Arthur Bryant's for dinner."

KSU Grads: "I drive a large American-made truck... the biggest I could find with dualies and a gun rack in the back window. To hell with global warming and the fuel crisis. I help heal your livestock. My wife, who is a sheep, doesn't drive. Now excuse me, I'm heading to the Sizzler for dinner."

WSU Grads: "I'm a member of the Union and I design the planes that KU grads fly in. I drive a Ford Taurus. My wife is a sheet-metal worker at the aircraft plant and she drives a mini-van. Now excuse me, we are headed out to Spangles for dinner."

Emporia State Grads: "I'm a school teacher and so is my wife. We share a fifteen year old Toyota because we can only afford one car. We don't go out to dinner because we are usually at a debate meet or a football game or some other school event."

Fort Hays State Grads: "I graduated from Fort Hays. I'm not sure what my major was. I spent most of my college days drinking beer. I've been married five times. I don't know how I met my current wife. I just woke up one Monday after a weekend drunk, and there she was. We were already married."

Friends University Grads: "Kum Bah Yah, My Lord, Kum Bah Yah"

Dodge City Community College Grads: "Se habla Espanol?"

Pittsburg State University: "Welcome to Wal-mart"