[lurker]

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with ,
"Hi, I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear
to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned,
"All I need you to do is step into this room hereee, strip to the
waist, thennn slip on this gown. Everything clearrr?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda ... try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine.
It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG
in less than 60 seconds.

Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything
nice...it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a
cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to
the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and
lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

"Fine," I answered. I was freezing, bruised and out of air, so
why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me

off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my
other boob wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when
we heard, then felt, a zap!

Complete darkness and the power went off!

"What?" I yelled.

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda
headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" I
shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's
wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be rightttt
backkkk."

Before I could shout, NOOOO!" she disappeared.

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men
extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from
the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings,
Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the
power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria I replied with as much calmness as
possible. "Uh, yes...yes I did, thanks."

"You bet, take care," Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though
I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and
making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am
soooo sorry!

The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I
went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly why her head ended up between the
clamps .