[jeezeweeze]

> This is an actual letter sent to Proctor and
> Gamble from Wendi Aarons, Austin, TX , regarding
> their feminine products. She really gets rolling
> after the first paragraph...
>
> Dear Mr. Thatcher,
>
> I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads
> for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their
> features. Why, without the Leak GuardCore(tm) or
> -Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go
> horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly
> steer clear of running up and down the beach in
> tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to
> be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being
> the only company smart enough to realize how crucial
> it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell
> you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing
> there's a little F-16 in my pants.
>
> Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever
> suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't.
>
> Well, my "time of the month" is starting right
> now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
> violently surging through my body. Just a few
> minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be
> transformed into what my husband likes to call "an
> inbred hillbilly with knife skills."
>
> As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division,
> you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what
> exactly happens during your customers' monthly
> visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know
> about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we
> endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying,
> and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's
> a tough time for most women.
>
> The point is, sir, you of all people must realize
> that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs
> in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for
> my letter.
>
> Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
> painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank
> out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and
> there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these
> words: "Have a Happy Period."
>
> Are you f__king kidding me? Does any part of your
> tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness -
> actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible
> during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound
> the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI,
> unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl,
> there will never be anything "happy" about a day in
> which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
> Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you
> don't march down to the local Kmart armed with a
> hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in
> a blaze of glory.
>
> For the love of God, if you just have to slap a
> moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more
> sense to say something that's actually pertinent,
> like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular
> Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on
> us?
>
> Sir, please inform your Accounting Department
> that, effective immediately, there will be an $8
> drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take
> my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
> certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one
> minute miss your brand of condescending bull s__t.
> And that's a promise I will keep
>
> Always.
>
>
> Best,
> Wendi Aarons
> Austin , TX