| Here I sit in front of the computer as Halloween’s sun sinks, beckoning the Evil Ones – those who wear cheap Wal-Mart costumes. And the costumes are probably filled to the brim with lead, painted on by prepubescent Chinese girls, lucky to be alive. Lucky their parents didn’t opt to just off them, knowing the monetary value of boys in China.
Mad Hatters all, but instead of mercury, it’s lead. But arrive they do, the Evil Ones all tripping on monster feet with fluffed up feathers, ankles bared.
I hold my breath in dread. Dread fills my soul as I hear the Evil Ones climbing my stairs, searching, ever searching for the Sweets That Will Pay for Dr. Fink’s Mercedes Benz monthly allotment of blood money. Ah, but I digress.
There it is again. Do you hear it? The yipping barks of the Evil Ones have arrived, scratching at the door, sniffing the air, trying the lock.
I hear them breathing heavily as I stand motionless on the other side of the door. Sweets, they beg, Sugar, sugar, sugar and more they moan. We know you’re home, we can see the blue light from your computer, they wail
I stand, barely, dizzy with the knowledge the Evil Ones, those sharp clawed, mouth breathing dragons, know scaly The Truth. He who stands on the other side, refuses to acknowledge us, the Evil Ones chant, given the authority of Larceny tonight, just for tonight.
But, alas, I cannot grant them their wish, their sugary desire.
Because, the simple truth is, I bought the requisite candy, bags and bags, two weeks ago. But, being the weak willed individual I was born, I ate all the G******d&&& candy earlier.
I’m doomed to a life of scrambled egg door fronts. Of toilet papered trees. Of wearing the Badge of Sin.
Hope you had a great Halloween.
Notyoubob  |