[Flying Dutchman]

My Walmart experience:

The wife and I woke up at 4:00 in the morning to be ready for the great Walmart run. They had a big screen tv for 780 and a computer for 389 (or something along those lines). I had to be at work at 8:45 and was dreading this since I never do the Black Friday thing. Soooooooooooooo.......
I fixed a pot of coffee (extra coffee grounds, needing the kick), drank about 3 cups AND grabbed a Vault on the way. I was figuring on a long shopping experience. My wife, well, she just kinda grinned at me (little did I know it was one of those "you silly mortal" grins, due to my extreme caffiene rush I was having) and laughed at the staggering amount of cars in the Walmart parking lot. "OMFG" escaped from my twitching (the caffeine) lips. Again, in the calmest of voices (which is not like her at all------I mean this woman's middle name is chaotic) she asked what time it was as we pulled into the lot. My watch said 4:45. "Pull up to the North doors please" she asked. "But honey, those doors are locked." I deducted this because many people were walking from the north doors to the south doors. "That's ok" she said, "just drop me off at them anyway." Well, I assumed she was a fool (again, toooooooo much caffiene) and obliged her. As she got out of the truck, I seen a manager unlocking the doors..........yes, it was a coincidence but then again...........naw, he was way to ugly for her to sleep with. Anyway.....
I walked in and it was a total friggin madhouse. It was like Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles drew up the game plan. There were people everywhere and workers in the aisles handing out papers to God knows what........I needed a smoke but was already committed to the task at hand. "The line to electronics begins over there" I heard the employee tell someone. "Oh hell no" was my reply, even though I did not ask. I noticed a big stack of tv's just next to the pharmacy and made a beeline for them. My wife, well, she was on her own. I stood there next to some other people, each of us with our hand on a different box which held a 42 inch LCD tv. There were maybe ten boxes and i had one with a death grip. Yes, I would have killed anybody who dared to touch it.
Through my caffeine induced haze i heard the familular sound of my wife's whistle. I looked around and seen her coming down the aisle..........with a computer in her cart. People moved out of her way and looked at her with total astonishment. I too was aghast. "honey, it is not 5 yet, you can't have that?" I said and asked at the same time. She smiled at me and said "Me no habla what you just said" and looked at me with a shit eating grin. Right on cue an employee walked over to us and asked her if the computer was a sale item. "Beats me" my wife said. "You can't have that until 5 ma'am" this person said. "Well, it is 5 according to my watch. Besides, you might want to tell those people back there since a bunch of them are loading things in their carts." The employee took off like a bat out of hell. My wife watched her leave, then said with a chuckle "stupid idiot, that ought to keep her busy". She moved my hand from the tv and told me to go get a cart. I did and came back. A loud voice came over the speakers announcing it was 5 and the free for all began. I helped the people next to me load their tv's, loaded mine and off we went to the checkout stand. Of course there was a problem checking out (the tv and computer were not in the system properly) but no biggie since we were pretty much first in line. We left and were back home by 5:10. The caffiene wore off sometime around 11 while I was at work and the rest of my day totally sucked, but damn, that tv is soooooooo cool.