[Detector]

As far as preparing. What we need to do, in my opinion, is look to the past and prepare for the possibilities. Although we have only been keeping official records for a little over a hundred years, which in no way should be used as a future guide, we do know what Mother Nature has done in the past.

Here is an email I got from Mother Nature just a few weeks ago.

MIME TYPE: PLAIN TEXT
FROM: Mother Nature
TO: Detector
CC: Al Gore

SUBJECT: Global Warming
BODY: Dear Detector,

Hows it going? Going good here thanks.

About this Global Warming thing. I appreciate the concerns that Mr. the Sky is Falling Gore has brought to the public eye, but honestly, it has become rather annoying. You'd think after 4.5 billion years of weather ranging from extreme hot to extreme cold it would be obvious shit happens. Apparently not. So let me enlighten you with a bit of information you might want to pass on.

Why you you might ask? As a DodgeBoard member I'm sure the information will be passed along.

First off I want to say, while man has become comfortable in it's belief of total control over it's environment, let me assure you when I choose to change things, they WILL change. Man, in all his wisdom, does seem to be a rather slow learning. Life on Earth will come and go and I make those decisions, not you.

Oh and by the way. You know that Buffalo slated for extinction that you pride yourself in saving? That buffalo eats the wild long grass that was hindering the evolution of the Pocket Mouse due to move into it's next stage of evolution. Stop trying to play God. Things come and go. Deal with it because man is also on that list. Just food for thought!

So here is the deal. If I were you I'd be more concerned about the coming Ice Age than a little heat wave. Your Kansas, like all places on Earth, has seen the lush beauty of the tropics as well as Glaciers the size of mountains. One Dinosaur produced more carbon monoxide in it's breath than a fleet of Mac trucks, and I won't bother to mention the toxic remains it would leave from a single stop to urinate or pass gas. So don't flatter yourself into thinking you're in control of your environment. The Dinosaur lived for 10 million years. You are but a child.

In conclusion let me say get over yourself. When I say its time to leave, you will proceed to the nearest exit believe me. When I decide it's time for a weather change, IT WILL CHANGE. Also, quit screwing with the species. I have a plan and it doesn't involve you. When it does I'll let ya know, k?

RoCk oN!

Yours Truly, Mother Nature