Somedays are just to long...

[youngwhippersnapper]

I'm sitting here at work. Its 4:30am. I'm just halfway through my graveyard shift.

I've been thinking since I woke up earlier this evening. (yesterday was another graveyard shift and I didn't get home and to sleep till about 10:00am). Thinking can be dangerous sometimes. Not in a conventional sense of danger. Just that repeated thinking on a few certain topics will really affect your emotions.

They say that when something is worth it. You fight for it with everything that you are. I have to ask this. Am I not worth fighting for?

Nia (the girl from Cali) and I broke up today. Her words stung me to the core. "The long distance isn't worth being with you." I didn't expect her to not say this. But it still shook me a lot when she finally said it. It finally came out. After two weeks of near silence. I was fed up with dealing with the silence and delivered and ultimatum to her. I just wanted a concrete answer. Yes or no, do you still want to be with me. Thats when she told me No and said what affects me so.

Suffice it to say, I recieved a lot of flak for asking for something so direct. I don't really care anymore. I'm single again. Please don't make the suggestion that its ok for me to be single again because it will do me some good. I've been single for to long in my short time already on this Earth. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I'm not depressed, albeit a tad upset, but I'm ok. I'm not suicidal (thats a thought that has never crossed my mind). I'm not into hurting myself. So don't worry about me doing something stupid. I just am looking for some advice, preferably from some of the women on the board.

YWS

[TheWizzard]

Im sorry it hurts right now. You will feel better in time. How much time is totally up to you, nobody can tell you how much time is enough. When the time is right, something right will happen. You need to mourn this loss in your life, and when you are done you will be a better person for it.

[hoarsewhisperer]

Bless your heart ...I wish I could just give you a big old hug and tell you it WILL be ok in time.

[youngwhippersnapper]

I'm really ok though. Thats the thing. Yes it hurts. But I don't regret any of it. These things happen. Long distance relationships rarely work out and ours was no different. Neither of us had the time or the funds to see each other regularly.

Honestly I'm not sure why I posted this on the board. It just seemed like a lot of people have been wanting to know whats going on. Especially Jeezeweeze.

YWS

[TexKan]

It is so hard to deal with the pain of reality of a failed relationship. Everyone has felt what you feel but it seems like there is just so much intensity of your feelings that there is no way that anyone can truely understand.

It seems that your head is in a good spot but that doesn't make the pain any easier to bear. There have been days in all our lives that we just don't know where we will find the desire to get up and function. It truely is painful.

It is one day at a time and there are some relationships that you just have to find the place to put them in your heart. Avery protected place where you can look back on them with pleasure and not feel the pain you feel now. That takes time. There is no magic action, no magic words. Beware of getting drunk - it will make the pain worse and will also often make you act like a fool.

I believe you can salvage friendships cause that is what you first had. Not all believe that and with some you must keep your heart open (cause that's who you are) even tho the other person has and continues to cut you to the core. In the long run you will be the better person for it. Taking the high road isn't easy.

Take inventory of who you are, who you want to be, and who you feel could best be a partner in those travels. You can't make someone treat you well, cherish you, love you. They are who they are and if they aren't willing to do the hard work,make the sacrifices, honor the committment and work toward joint goals then you would still be alone. I had a man tell me one time that the worst day with me was better than the best day without me. I hung onto that for a very long time even tho the rest of the relationship was disasterous. It still takes my breath away at times but I'm in a far better place. You want a person to love you with everything they are but the truth is if they have nothing for themselves the very foundation crumbles. There is a happy medium and I hope it comes to you when you are ready.

Mourn the loss the way you need to and have a clean healthy start when you meet someone new. It's not impossible that the regection you feel now will form the basis of what you require in the future. It could be with the same person it could be with someone new. The doors are open - don't put deadbolts on any possibility.

[jeezeweeze]

Originally Posted by youngwhippersnapper

I'm really ok though. Thats the thing. Yes it hurts. But I don't regret any of it. These things happen. Long distance relationships rarely work out and ours was no different. Neither of us had the time or the funds to see each other regularly.

Honestly I'm not sure why I posted this on the board. It just seemed like a lot of people have been wanting to know whats going on. Especially Jeezeweeze.

YWS

YWS I'm not one to poke into anyones business, I am tho, usually one someone can talk to and they know that it will NEVER be repeated. I have lived long enough to realize that we ALL , EVERYONE OF US, go through the same problems at different times of our lives and that is the way its supposed to be.

Every person we meet or have contact with is a blessing and we learn some valuable lesson even if it hurts. We especially remember the ones that hurt us and the ones we hurt unintentionally . There was a thing going around in email re/ Season,Reason,and I can't remember all of it however it was one of the best things I have read on life experiences .

Since your experience is one I went through, I will tell you to let you know this is nothing rare. I, however, after being married at the age of 15 and a 21 year marriage then divorce, then a second marriage in less than a year that lasted 22 years, then divorce(I fall in love to damn easy).

After all those years of marriage I was not wise to the ways of the world. So I made alot of mistakes but I also had a great time. Taking classes of life to make up for lost time (I guess anyway). So here is the idiot that I was.

I bought a computer and got addicted to the interaction with men and the attention I received. Oh I had the web cam and a great ability to talk the talk by computer or phone. I would be on the computer all hours when I wasn't working . Actually I went to meet a couple of the guys at the protest of my daughter and all my friends.... I told them where I would be, how long I would be gone. Always driving distance and always in public. I wasn't totally stupid but close to it. One was in KC area and I let my nephew be aware of what was going on. These meetings were only after several months of communication. My loved ones, were beside themselves with worry, cause the KC area was where the guy was stuffing women he had met on the net into barrels. Anyhoo

I met a guy online that lived in Indiana, it was awesome, he was so sweet, a Viet Nam Vet. Plus he was not into cyber sex and never ever said a racy or suggestive thing to me. Even tho I was never shocked by the things that were said by the other men , I found him so refreshing and he was just just a great guy trying to survive. Several months of daily communication, phone, puter, I met his daughter , her boyfriend the whole thing.

All this time I was also going to the singles dances in DC. I am a people person and I really love to dance, and I kinda like a Margarita occasionally. LOL

My relationship with my Indiana man was getting serious and I decided it was time to meet him and his family in person. So I went online, bought tickets and got my schedule to fly to Indianapolis the following month. We were both absolutely thrilled and counting the days.(I bought my own ticket for a reason... the ladies know )

Then it happened................ I went to a singles dance the following week after buying the ticket and I met a guy that just knocked me for a loop. He came that night with a lady that was a regular and everyone knew her. It was so weird cause she sat at "our gang" table and she never did that before. She had taken pity on him and got him out of the house, as a friend, he was recently divorced. He latched on to me for some reason Charming and full of shit, which I love. He was aggressive and no matter what I did I couldn't get away. He found out where I lived and came by with flowers and charm. I finely decided we could go out ...meantime I am still involved with Indiana.

I am so sorry this happened and it was horrible, but I had to tell my guy in Indiana that I would not be going to meet him and this really was not the first time that had happened to him. It devastated him and I felt lower than whale shit for a long long time. Like I led him along but I really had not done that, I had not intended to meet someone. It just happened. He did not take it graciously and the hate mail I received was frightening . He knew where I lived because at one point he was going to visit me, and it fell through. He went ballistic and I cannot say I blame him, he had been hurt alot in his life span and I hurt him to the core. I still to this day regret I caused him so much pain. He did put a curse on me and the new man in my life and trust me ...... it worked ......... at least for a time that is. That was in 2003 and it was 2006 when the curse was finely lifted..............

Long distance relationships are not impossible but are very hard. When the other person has their job and you have yours. You want them to give up everything and come to you and vice versa(?) for them. Unless you have all the time and money you need to travel , which you have already mentioned you don't, then my advise to you is don't open yourself up for a let down. If you still want to meet whomever online that's fine. Just be aware of the complications of long distances but also be aware there is a glimmer of hope of meeting someone that fits the bill. It happened to a friend of mine ....he in western Kansas, she in Chicago. He had the money and time, she had the money and a good job. She moved to him , they got married and as far as I know are very happy. She is a nurse and had no problem finding a job.

I count my experience as a GOD thing. We don't always get what we want but we always get what we need.


I can tell you .....what my oldest daughter said was something she always remembered. My younger daughter always forgets.


THIS TOO SHALL PASS

[TigerEyes]

From someone who's been in the same place, not too long ago:

1. Take Monster's advice. Get up, get out, get drunk. Repeat as needed. Your true friends will pour expensive margaritas down your throat and listen patiently as you rip apart the person who dumped ya - even if it's their own friend.

2. Don't quit living life. Living life to the fullest doesn't require a partner. Sure, sometimes it makes things easier. But don't think for a moment you have to have someone before you can learn how to ride a motorcycle, take a trip to a new city, or try watching a horror flick. I just got my "M" endorsement six months after getting dumped by a motorcycle lover, and I'm pretty damned proud of myself - even though he's not around to see it.


You can't make someone love ya. But go out there, live life, and have a great time. It'll make you even more irresistable to the right girl, who may be right around the corner.

[K C Muffin]

I will agree with Tiger and all the rest. I'm a two-time loser (by choice) and even though it WAS my choice to move out and divorce, it hurt. Immensely. Anytime a relationship fails or even stalls, it's horrible on both parties. Please don't think, YWS, that she's not feeling some pain. It would just be impossible. You, on the other hand, know the pain you're feeling. That's not a bad thing and it's actually a part of growing. So, accept it, understand healing will take a while and try to go on. Long distance relationships rarely work - remember that the next time - perhaps the next time, you will be more in a position to talk about one of you changing locations. Really, though - would you have traded anything in the world for the chance to meet her? Naaa....I didn't think so. Nothing ventured, nothing lost. Ya just haveta take that gamble sometimes. My heart goes out to you. At 40 years old, I finally found my one true love. I can't help but feel badly for someone in your position. But just know, it will happen. Don't let your heart shut down.

[Made in the USA]

You think they are hard to figure out now-----Just wait until you marry them!!??
Far safer to just get a dog. A talking dog. Or maybe a sheep?

[jeezeweeze]

A talking dog MIT?

Wouldn't that be kinda like a woman, always barking orders atcha

The sheep thing would be a worry cause the neighbors would probably steal it, kill it and eat it. But they might invite you over for the bar-b-que