Help me think through something.....

[wordsmythe]

Why do divorces cost so much?




Because they are worth it.


I've seen this "temporary" crap before. This is that seme kind of advice I gave then.

If he moves out that means it's over, not temporary!

Muffy if you feel the urge to offer to help with councelling then I say go for it. If you think it's a waste for both of them then offer it for your son.

Sometimes a professional telling you that she's making a chump out of you goes a lot farther than hearing it from your mom.

Under no circumstances should she get the house.

However, the FIRST concern in all of this for each and every one of you is that grandchild of yours and nobody should use him as a tool. (ie I need to keep the hopuse to keep him in familliar surroundings. - if that's the case your son should keep the house AND the kid.)

But what do I know.

[K C Muffin]

Thanks, Wordie - I couldn't agree more with that advice. That's what I'm going to keep drilling into them. Even if I have to give him money for the payment each month till the market rebounds. He can pay me back then. But the son keeps the house. After all, she can't stand to look at all his stuff. Whatever.

[Craigb]

Seems like it never fails cause the wife is not happy? So she thinks it is hubbies job to "MAKE" her happy? As if! She sounds like she needs a good swat to the butt! Time to grow up! The child and the new house has put a strain on the finances, and yet she thinks she should have MORE? More of what? She must have been a spoiled child, and got everything she wanted when she was younger! So she thinks hubby should do what? No man or women can make anyone happy! So now she has had a child with which to hammer it too him along with the burden of a house that SHE wants and she want happiness toooooooo? As if! GROW UP! Stop being a conniving individual and become a useful part of the human race. Not a worthless piece of crap! Who just wants and wants and wants even more! Not willing to do anything herself. He would be much better off without her! Just don't let her nail him to the cross! It takes TWO!!! ALWAYS! Good luck!

[pootsy]

It sounds fishy to me too. First off she is who makes her happy, not him and her things. She can get this and that thinking that is what is going to make her happy, but the truth is she is not happy inside anyway. It has nothing to do with your son, it is her. She can only control her and her feelings. Now as for you Mom! You need to be neutral and be a support for your son but do not say "I told you so" or give him grief about her. Eveyone needs to be an adult here. If she is wanting him to move everything out she is wanting to end it all. I think she is seeing someone else, or has someone else in mind. Just my opinion.

[wordsmythe]

I gotta go with Craig on this one.

She needsa to pull up her big girl panties and see that the world's not easy and it's not all about her happiness.

When you have a family, especially when you have kids, it's about that whole unit. When you have kids you have to realize that you give up a lot of yourself for them. You shape who THEY are and most of that shaping comes from example.

This is a horrible example.

Of course, there does come a point where parents can make themselves so miserable that none of them can be happy. After everything's been tried then, and only then, is it fair to give up.

[Army_of_One]

I would say try to get them to counseling. As mad as you are at her it does take two. She wasn't this way when she married him and if she was...we HE chose her. Maybe there is a reason she feels the way she does. I'm not taking sides but there has to be some blame on both parties. A good marriage counselor might be a place to start. If she is immature and not willing to work towards a fix then I would cut her loose and move on.

The real loser in this situation is the child.

[hoarsewhisperer]

I think...





I think....




I think.....




I think you just need three big hugs Muffie....one for YOU, one for your son, and one for that BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lone Gunman]

Have you thought maybe she has another man in her life so she no longer has room for him? Seems to me that usually when one side or the other wants time alone they mean alone with someone else.

[Flying Dutchman]

You got that right Lone. I would bet there is another man. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" works if you have to be apart, not when you want to be.

[K C Muffin]

I appreciate all your thoughts - it means a lot to have people that care enough to really discuss something. This is what's happening. When he gets over here tonite with his "things", we'll all sit down and we'll talk through some issues - some of them you pointed out to me. Then, we're marching straight to an attorney the boss told me about today who is always on the side of the father. Boss told me he's pricey. Told boss I needed a raise. Didn't get one. If legal papers don't make her think hard and fast, I'm afraid nothing will. At least it will be done. And Missouri is only a 30-day state.

It does take two to dance, AOO, but she was this way when they got married. Nobody could talk him out of it. She systematically separated him from all his friends, saying they weren't "good enough". Counseling would be where I would lean, but yesterday, she wanted all his stuff out. Including his tools and racing mowers in the garage. Now, come on. I'm thinkin' she's not only leading him to a pond, she's expecting him to take a big long drink. Not gonna happen. I'm not gonna let him just roll over. She's put them in some real debt and she's gonna have to help pay it off. It's time for her to grow up. And I'm thinkin' the best med for her right now is a nice process server.

The conclusion I've come to is this: Hubby and I live in a great neighborhood and a wonderful home. But we've worked a long time for it. I think she honestly thought there was money there. She's done nothing but brow-beat him about money or the lack thereof since they got married. And she puts him up to asking us for money. I won't give them any. I would give my son the moon and stars, but I won't give her anything. Even before this. I don't feel she's a good custodian. If the money I've worked my ass off for is gonna be wasted, I'm gonna be the one wasting it, ya know? Anyway. We'll see what happens. If you hear a sonic boom, that's me screamin' at 'im....