Help me think through something.....

[K C Muffin]

Son and wife were just over with their little one (a year old!). They came over to tell me they were splitting up. Their story is that she just needs some space to find herself. I think that's crap. He wants to refi the house so he can keep it. She wants him to give it to her so she can keep the baby in familiar surroundings. They need money to do that. I said no.

I feel bad because after they left, I told my hubby there was no way in hell I was going to let him roll over and give her everything. Because he will - because she's already put the notion in his head that it's all his fault. Maybe he's not been there for her every time she's wanted, but emotionally, she's never been there for him. She wanted a house. Now that the housing market is down, the house is a burden. She wanted a baby. Now that he needs some care, she's not happy with the burden.

Somebody tell me it's normal for me to want to beat her over the head, take the baby and tell her to grow up.

So she's not happy. Did somebody tell her it was going to be a walk in the park? Son will do anything she asks, which means a huge financial burden for him. I don't think she knows what she's asking for. I think she thinks she will get quite a bit of child support. But what she fails to take into consideration is that he doesn't make much more than she does.

Am I OK or am I being selfish?

[Wildcat12]

I think you are OK. You should talk to your son when you are calm & can talk about his wife without saying anything that would offend him. Guide him to see what's going on with the wife. It's a touchy situation, but if she really has him wrapped around her little pinky, he's a little unaware & might defend her to you. Stay calm & point out the financial situation she's put them in. He needs to know you are in his corner. He may feel emotionally beaten down by this woman. I wish you & the 3 of them luck.

[Lou]

Muffin,

I'm no marriage councillor, but there are many professionals out there who are. I would enlist one, right away, to help the kids through this tough time. A minister would be helpful too.

I hate to hear you're going through this. Be helpful to your son, but watch your step. You could be percieved as being the "bad guy" by them both at some point. I'm glad you didn't volunteer financial assistance just yet. That's premature at this point, but just be there to help him if the fiscal noose tightens on him.

The grandchild will be properly taken care of, I assume? If you have to, you may have to play the role of the mean grandma to make sure. Meanwhile, best of luck to you. Just keep your head held high and keep things in perspective. Don't let it get 'ya down.

[Sherry_Giskie]

WoW! What a B*TCH! I'd feel the same way if I were you. I hate that everyone thinks divorce can solve everything these days. Marriage is hard work and I believe there should be a law put in place to limit the amount of people doing it, but that being said, I have no idea how we can control stupid people. It looks like this may be out of your hands. Your son has been blinded/brainwashed by this woman and only after she is gone (hopefully), he might see just how miserable (and broke) she made him. I'd just stick by your guns and keep your money (and your opinion) in your own hands. Most people are completely closed minded in situations like this and he won't be able to understand your point of view. So, it's useless wasting your breath right now. Just make sure he always knows you are on his side and are there to listen if he needs you. That's the best thing you can do for him right now. Good Luck sweetie!

[Lone Gunman]

I don't think you're being selfish, you're being realistic. He needs to know that every time he gives in to her she will just want more and more. Seems all she cares about is what she wants and to hell with being fair. I hope you can get him to see the true picture.

[K C Muffin]

Thanks, guys. Then I'm OK. Heartbroken, but OK. Hubby intervened when money was brought up. I know she has him in a financial mess - I'll help him, but I don't want to help her. She thinks that because we live in a nice neighborhood, have a nice house, drive 2 nice cars and a pretty nice pickup, that we should be in a fiscal position to buy them out of anything. It's just not like that. I think he knows I'll do anything for him. I told him that he and Lane (when he has him) are more than welcome in our home. But she wants him to live somewhere that he can take all his stuff out of her garage and house. And still tells him it's just 'temporary'. I wanna tell him to smell the roses and start movin' on. But I can't talk to him without her around. So I'll just bide my time and watch my tongue. And cry.

[jeezeweeze]

"Somebody tell me it's normal for me to want to beat her over the head, take the baby and tell her to grow up".

MUFFIE .......... YOU ARE NORMAL....


God bless your heart...this isn't gonna be easy at all and its even worse because there is a baby that should be the first consideration.

Sounds like your son isn't the one wanting out of this and he is gonna be devastated for a long time in more ways than just a divorce...

Temporary ??? and she wants him to move his belongings ....nawwww that sounds fishy.

Is she seeing someone do you think ? If so ...he should be able to get the baby and the house. But If he "feels" its his fault its gonna be hard to convince him to not kiss her ass, because he will do anything to save his marriage.

Its gonna be hard for you not to say anything but you have to just stay neutral....but keep your ears open for possible hankypanky from the daughter-in-law...and comfort your son as best as you can.

My prayers are with you

[Highwayman]

I think that you’re right on and have gotten some good comments that I agree with.

I’ll offer up something that my divorce attorney said 25 years ago. In a divorce, there is never enough money to go around. You normally have one household with barely enough money to go around and now you’re going to create two households on the same income.

I don’t know any of the details but my gut says they probably have more house than a single parent needs. Sell the house because both need to accept a more modest standard of living.

PS: If he is a gun owner and if she files a restraining order for some reason he needs to have someone keep his guns for him. Otherwise he would be afoul of the law and risk having them confiscated.

[Made in the USA]

Beings the luck I have had, I am not one to be giving advice. Best thing I could say, is it sounds like someone needs to grow up and accept some responsibility. Ah, but that isn't how things work today. I wish you luck Muffie!

[K C Muffin]

Originally Posted by Highwayman

I think that you’re right on and have gotten some good comments that I agree with.

I’ll offer up something that my divorce attorney said 25 years ago. In a divorce, there is never enough money to go around. You normally have one household with barely enough money to go around and now you’re going to create two households on the same income.

I don’t know any of the details but my gut says they probably have more house than a single parent needs. Sell the house because both need to accept a more modest standard of living.

PS: If he is a gun owner and if she files a restraining order for some reason he needs to have someone keep his guns for him. Otherwise he would be afoul of the law and risk having them confiscated.

Isn't that funny....same things I've heard! Yes, he is a gun owner - but I have them as he ran afoul of the law 5 years ago. She doesn't dare file a restraining order on him. She knows she would have me to deal with and that wouldn't be a pretty picture. I dunno. I'm callin' in favors here locally to see what kind of help I can get him.