Opportunity vs the Right

[jackknife]

You know, they say it takes a village to raise a child. I just don't know what we as a village can do about it.

When I played tee ball, I was very good (considering that we were all technically bad at it since we were little). I made it almost the whole season without getting out. Then one game I hit the ball directly to first base. I was out. My eyes welled up and I went over to my parents. I expected to get lots of hugs but instead my dad said "get back over there with your team." I stayed and he said "you got out. everyone gets out. Now get over to your team."

I remember at that moment thinking "Okay, wow. That didn't go how I expected. I guess getting out isn't a big deal." After the game my dad told me he was proud of me for getting back in the game and not giving up.

Kids these days are lacking a sense of pride for actually doing things. They don't have to work for as much and they don't understand the value of losing and the value of failing.

It makes me sad because just like the song says, I do believe the children are our future and I'm scared we have raised a nation of mama's boys and daddy's girls.

[BroncoFan]

Originally Posted by jackknife

Children having no personal accountability isn't a liberal thing. Trust me. I taught pre-school for many years both in California and Kansas. Parents from all political backgrounds want to coddle their kids. To define it as a liberal teaching is pretty silly. Not everything in life is right or left wing.

It drives me insane. Parents hold their kids hand for everything and expect the world to do the same. We are raising a bunch of kids who have never lost, who have never been told no and who are always the victim.

It's too late for a lot of those kids. They are graduating now. I have friends that work at different colleges all over the US and a few in Canada and what they are seeing is astounding. One friend had a student call her nearly 15 times to help him figure out where he would find his class. She sent him maps and directions and addresses and still he called for more help. The only thing left for her to do was literally walk him to class. She didn't and he was none too happy about it.

Another said that in the work force there are companies that are making packets and materials for not only their prospective employees but also their parents. Their PARENTS!

We are raising a nation of self-entitled, never wrong, stupid kids. I'm embarrassed. It comes from all walks of life. All colors.

The question is what do we do about it?

Unfortunately, most parents these days have not ever really "needed". Most kids do not have to "go without". Yes, even the children on welfare usually have a bike, Playstation, satellite t.v. In the "olden-days" t.v. was black and white and one channel, if you were lucky. The video games were not yet invented. Toys usually cosisted of blocks of wood that you would stack when younger, then play catch with when older. No, I didn't go without too much, but todays parents remembered going without alot. They do not want their children to feel the emotions that came with near poverty income. Therefore our children are coddled, can do no wrong and raised to never feel the feeling of losing. That is where we fail as parents in this society. We then leave the raising of our children to the school systems and daycares, then bitch about any sort of discipline.

[Detector]

I think it's tough love that seems to be missing in todays parents.

[meadmice]

Originally Posted by BroncoFan

. We then leave the raising of our children to the school systems and daycares, then bitch about any sort of discipline.

This brings up the spanking issue. I'm sorry, when I have kids, if they act up, I'm going to spank them. It's not abuse unless you go overboard. There's a big difference between spanking and beating... Unfortunately in today's world, most people think if you even thump a kid it's abuse and is going to mentally damage them for the rest of their fragile little lives. Hey bumps, bruises, dirt, colds, and spankings are all part of growing up, let the poor kid live!! When I was little I had grandparents telling me that kids are born with their brains in their rears and they have to be spanked occasionally to get it up where it's supposed to be. Of course, some people's brains never seem to leave the lower half of their bodies...

[Army_of_One]

Originally Posted by meadmice

This brings up the spanking issue. I'm sorry, when I have kids, if they act up, I'm going to spank them. It's not abuse unless you go overboard. There's a big difference between spanking and beating... Unfortunately in today's world, most people think if you even thump a kid it's abuse and is going to mentally damage them for the rest of their fragile little lives. Hey bumps, bruises, dirt, colds, and spankings are all part of growing up, let the poor kid live!! When I was little I had grandparents telling me that kids are born with their brains in their rears and they have to be spanked occasionally to get it up where it's supposed to be. Of course, some people's brains never seem to leave the lower half of their bodies...

I was spanked when I was brought up but in today's society you have to be careful when, where and how you spank. I'm a very idealistic new parent but we are trying to raise our daughter without spanking. Spanking is a negative reinforcement to an issue. I'm going to try positive reinforcement and see how that works...if all else fails I guess a but whoopin may be in order...lol

[Army_of_One]

Originally Posted by Detector

I think it's tough love that seems to be missing in todays parents.

To address what Mice said about spanking....I think some people tie "tough love" in with spanking. You can have "tough love" and not spank your kid.

[jackknife]

Having taught little ones without the option of spanking, I can tell you that there are a lot of other things that work just as well. It really isn't an issue of spanking and not spanking but making sure there is a punishment and a consistency for bad behavior.

I'm not opposed to spanking but knowing that other things works sometimes better makes me wonder if I would spank if I were a parent.

[Flying Dutchman]

It depends on what you consider "spanking".

Taking your child into another room, bending them over your knee and swatting their ass a few times is a spanking. Grabbing their arm as they are running into the street and smacking their ass and telling them "No" is not a spanking.

When my father was growing up, there were 7 kids. His dad sat at the head of the table and the kids, by age, sat on either side. Boys on one side, girls on the other. His dad would take his spoon and hit the oldest kid next to him and have them pass it down to whichever child it was meant for. It sounds funny, and could even be funny in a way, but it left a deep emotional scar on my father.

Many of us remember "spankings" and remember how mad our parents were when they gave them to us. That is the stigma of a spanking, it was and is used too many times as a venting of anger and not a discipline or teaching tool. Used right, and it works.

As for no child being able to lose....you got that right. Both of my children excelled in sports. This is because of their healthy attitude, not their skills. They were taught from the beginning that a team is just that, a team. There are always, and will always be, those that just naturally are more talented. A good coach and parent know how to use that and teach that person the true meaning of teamwork. Unfortunately, that is rare. Those kids are treated, and taught, that they "deserve" the accalades and glory. The feeling that they are superior is bestowed upon them. Throw in those crapphead parents that we all know, the ones who make life miserable at games and for coaches, who view winning the game as the only goal, then you have the system we have now. Knee jerk reactions which are intended to even out the field, but usually just punish those who worked hard to get to the top.

[Army_of_One]

Originally Posted by jackknife

there is a punishment and a consistency for bad behavior.

I agree wholeheartedly. Excellent!

[jeezeweeze]

Not enough "baby daddy" take responsibility now. So you have a single mom that is so worn out she just tries to survive. So the word no isn't backed up.. I know that is no excuse but from my observation I don't know how these single mothers do it.

I had three kids and a husband that would only have to give the kids a "LOOK" and the problems if any when he was home, disappeared.....God I hated it when he went to work......LOL I was the disciplinarian and Dad was GOD, I don't remember him having to spank the kids....just the look.......

As FD says about his grandfather, thats the ideal way but those days are gone.

I was raised that way also. You shared your day at supper time, and you also knew that daddy has had a long tiresome day and you just behaved or else...or else what? the LOOK ... I didnt' know...but I did not want to disappoint my dad....now mom was a different story...........God rest her soul... Sorry Mom