Granny

[hoarsewhisperer]

I want to tell you about the most special person in my entire life, the most special person in a lot of kid’s lives..... granny. She was the one who I always knew loved me, even when she was angry with me. It wasn’t the fear of getting my butt whipped or of going to jail that kept me out of trouble (when I did stay out of trouble) To disappoint her was a fate worse than death. Yes, I did steal her car once and came in blitzed a hundred times, but I still knew she loved me and her silence in those times was the loudest thing I ever heard. It was seeing that look in her eyes that I couldn’t bear. I still see those eyes today. She was protector, provider, teacher of life, and more times than I will admit, my conscience. She loved to laff and thought I was especially funny (she knew funny when she saw it...and trust me I'm a hoot) Any good thing found within me came by way of her generous loving happy heart.

She never had a thing in her whole life, nothing material anyway. She fed us with money she made from garage sales and that meant lots of pinto beans. No matter what you gave her she would return it and buy something for us, be that a dress for Donna, a ball glove for me, or just some simple thing to make me feel like I was as good as anyone else. She was like that.

In a brilliant move that still inspires me today, I left a good job here and moved my family to Houston to start up a company and to try to repair a failing marriage by joining a church that I had been in contact with....way smart move there Johnny. I had a wife whose health was failing and 3 small children. It takes a genius like me to leave a good job with insurance and sport off to charisma land. Well as you might have guessed or rather as I should have known, after 2 years the company took the big counterclockwise swirl down the “toity” and the church ...well that’s another story to itself.

Broke, broken and without any way to support us, i loaded us bag and baggage into a Ryder truck and came back home, tail tucked between my legs. I only had enough money to rent a one bedroom apartment and was kind of glad to get that. It was a zoo with a sick mean wife, an 11, a 6, a 5 year old and a new baby....not to mention the glowing attitude of a man who knew he had failed them all miserably. I worked any job I could find but there were times those pinto beans would have been steak to us.

You know how you are under blue skies but on the horizon you see clouds black as a dope dealers heart, building up? You just know they are on the way to your house and there is no place of safety or way around them. For me the coming storm was Christmas and I had 3 small kids who KNEW what it meant. Mine were never the ones who pitched a bitch at the checkout when I couldn’t buy them things. They would just say “that’s ok daddy, maybe next time” Those words put tears in my eyes writing them now. They really hurt. I don't know how many of you have been in that shape but i suspect more than a few. You know what I mean.... Man I loved those kids.

We didn’t have money for much of anything and sure didn’t have it to waste on twinklies or a tree. Out of all the times I have felt shame in this life, it was never bigger than it was then. I could hardly look at them. I really wanted to kill Geoffrey, the Toys-R-Us giraffe for that catalogue he sent......stupid giraffe. Shaun, Russell and Jessica literally wore the pages out pointing to and picking things out. I came in one day and felt my heart break when I saw them try to hide that they had been looking at it. They may have been small, but they had eyes and could see the hurt in mine. Kids know a lot more than we give em credit for. I got them a few things from the dollar store but I was so ashamed that they loved me that much.

About 4 in the afternoon on Christmas eve, as I paced, feeling like Papillion in isolation, trying to forget what day it was, there was a quiet knock at the door. I threw it open about ready to devour whoever was there and there stood 2 ladies from the little town I live in now. I didn’t know them but I knew who they were. One had her arms full with boxes all wrapped in beautiful blue and red paper with little Santa's all over it. The other smiling angel pulled a wagon also loaded to the brim with gifts and......food. My kids were more excited than i had ever seen them before or since. They knew. They craned their necks, peeking from behind me at the packages.

The one pulling the wagon spoke first “ Johnny before you say a word, we are simply delivering these things;. We didn’t buy the gifts. They are from someone who knows you and what y’all are going through. They send their love and hope that you will accept them. Merry Christmas” and with that they smiled and walked away. I didn’t know what to say. My eyes filled with tears and my legs got weak. I wouldn’t have asked anyone for a dime, but I thanked god (and the two ladies all the way to the car).

I can’t even begin to explain what went through me at the joy i felt to watch my kids and to know what a wonderful thing someone had done for us. I tried for weeks to find out who had done it so that I could repay them for such kindness, but they made sure I would never know....or so it seemed.

One Saturday morning in April I was at granny’s house for breakfast. She was her usual jovial self serving up black coffee, red eye gravy and biscuits that only she could make. She asked me to get her medicine out of the bedside table and when i opened the drawer, I saw it.,.... the receipt....1 red wagon, 1 cabbage patch doll, 1 spiral cut ham....all of it. I couldn’t speak and had to make an excuse for being so slow returning. It was her. I should have known. Finally I got my composure back and went back to the table as if nothing had happened Ever sat across from an angel and drank coffee that would kill a sailor? I did that morning. For the first time I noticed the two rings missing from her wrinkled little hand. She loved those rings. I had never seen her without them on...until then “ You crying Johnny? What‘s wrong?” ....“Nah Granny..... I just love you that’s all” ...That was our last Christmas together..... I love you Granny..... Merry Christmas
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-stolen from spot