Some Great News Headlines from '05

[Bigun]

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005, SO FAR:


Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[uh...lets not go there!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a good spanking!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A while.
[you think?!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?! Maybe thats what they ought to use on the damaged overpass near Hays!]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[Did I read that sign right?]