police humor

[jeezeweeze]

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."


AND THE WINNER IS....

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

[Bubba]

[Bronco-Fan]

funny

[mommiedearestx3]

LOL....seems like I've used #4 with my older daughters

[K C Muffin]

I wish I'd had this list a couple of weeks ago.....some of them are good. 'Course, I'd still have gotten the ticket, and he probably would have tacked on a little extra. Gonna cost around $400 to get it taken care of. Poop! There goes the Christmas bonus!!!

[Flying Dutchman]

I like:

"You have a nice face and information.............you are not leaving here with both."

"You are correct, I am treating you like a common criminal. Would you prefer I treat you like an uncommon one?"

"Lucky for you stupidity is not a crime. You would make the Most Wanted list rather quickly if it were."

"I am not being mean, you're just a sissy."

[Highwayman]

I still like the one about the lady trying to get out of a speeding ticket by offering to buy tickets to the policeman’s ball.

The officer replied, “Lady, the _________ police don’t have balls.” Opps!