Health Question & Answer Session

[hoarsewhisperer]

(got this in a forward-I love the advice!)

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can
prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and
that's it... Don't waste them on exercise .
Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
heart will not make you live longer; that's like
saying you can extend the life of your car by
driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits
and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What
does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?
Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your
system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good
source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a
pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended
daily allowance of vegetable products

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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy
is distilled wine, that means they take the water
out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Bottoms up!

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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your
ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your
ratio is two to one, etc.

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Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My
philosophy is: No Pain..Good!

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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening....Foods are fried these
days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in
it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for
you?


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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a
little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it
gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you
want a bigger stomach
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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another
vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!!


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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain
whales to me.


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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !


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Well, I hope this has cleared up any
misconceptions you may have had about food and
diets.

And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with
the intention of arriving safely in an attractive
and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the
other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out
and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

[JayhawkMom]

[Sherry_Giskie]

Medical Distinctions
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know
The difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
Definition for each is listed below....



GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"




BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

[Highwayman]

Do you know the difference between a corpuscle and a hormone?








You can’t hear a corpuscle.

[TexKan]

Usually you also have to pay more for a hormone............. (sound is worth at least $5)