Old People

[Army_of_One]

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
" Twelve thirty ."

[booger]

Army, anyone with a 13 in their background will need hearing aides. I thought, he asked me if I was an "Old Fa*t. Of course I said, yes I did.

[lurker]

Parkinson's was created so the Salvation Army would have bell-ringers.

[hoarsewhisperer]

This is the story of two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.

Now, one evening there was a community
supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will
you marry me?"

After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes, Yes, I will."

The meal ended and with a few more
pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not
even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he
gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

[Made in the USA]

It was entertainment day at the senior citizen's center and the Amazing
Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the
famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique
pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this
antique watch. It's a very special watch. It has been in my family for six
generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while
quietly chanting: "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell
to the floor, breaking into 100 pieces.
"SH1T!" said the hypnotist...

It took three days to clean up the senior citizen's center!!

[K C Muffin]

[Flying Dutchman]

Three older women are sitting on a park bench one day talking amonst themselves. Along came this young man in a trench coat. He stands in front of the ladies, smiles real wide, opnes up his coat, and flashes them.

The first older lady immediately had a stroke.

Seeing this, the second older woman had a stroke also.

The third lady said "I do not care what my friends did, I aint touching that thing!"

[hoarsewhisperer]

An older gentleman was on the operating table
awaiting surgery and he insist ed that his son,
a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia
he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son;
do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me ..
your mother is going to come
and live with you and your wife...."