Go Back   DodgeBoard.com - Forums > Chit Chat > Funny Bone
Home Forums Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Funny Bone Let's keep it decent, please.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 03-14-2007, 09:21 AM
jeezeweeze's Avatar
DodgeBoard Senior VP
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Greensburg, KY
Posts: 3,530
Casino Cash: $36116
Blog Entries: 6
Disagrees: 2
Disagreed With 12 Times in 6 Posts
Agreed With Other Posts: 268
Members Agreed 70 Times in 39 Posts
Foflmao

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may
bring tears to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the
days when the "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous
and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall
was
the host asking the questions, of course. These gave my belly a work-out.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you
be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you
think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if
he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll
give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not , I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling , what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose
do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
__________________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in Technorati
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 03-14-2007, 09:41 AM
JayhawkMom's Avatar
DodgeBoard Resident
 

Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: In Dodge City America!
Posts: 809
Casino Cash: $19632
Disagrees: 4
Disagreed With 0 Times in 0 Posts
Agreed With Other Posts: 97
Members Agreed 22 Times in 11 Posts
That's when Hollywood Squares was great..........the good 'ol days.
__________________
KANSAN BY BIRTH - JAYHAWK BY THE GRACE OF GOD!

"When we destroy nature, we diminish ourselves and impoverish our children" Robert Kennedy Jr.

"Patriotism is supporting your Country all of the time, and your Government when they deserve it" Mark Twain
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in Technorati
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 03-14-2007, 09:46 AM
JayhawkMom's Avatar
DodgeBoard Resident
 

Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: In Dodge City America!
Posts: 809
Casino Cash: $19632
Disagrees: 4
Disagreed With 0 Times in 0 Posts
Agreed With Other Posts: 97
Members Agreed 22 Times in 11 Posts
Paul Lynde was just hillarious..........he was good in Bewitched too!
__________________
KANSAN BY BIRTH - JAYHAWK BY THE GRACE OF GOD!

"When we destroy nature, we diminish ourselves and impoverish our children" Robert Kennedy Jr.

"Patriotism is supporting your Country all of the time, and your Government when they deserve it" Mark Twain
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in Technorati
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 03-14-2007, 09:47 AM
jeezeweeze's Avatar
DodgeBoard Senior VP
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Greensburg, KY
Posts: 3,530
Casino Cash: $36116
Blog Entries: 6
Disagrees: 2
Disagreed With 12 Times in 6 Posts
Agreed With Other Posts: 268
Members Agreed 70 Times in 39 Posts
Yepper.... JHM

so funny.......... Im still wiping tears from reading this in my email this morning ....

PRICELESS
__________________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in Technorati
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 03-14-2007, 12:34 PM
TheWizzard's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In Emerald City
Posts: 291
Casino Cash: $49668
Disagrees: 0
Disagreed With 0 Times in 0 Posts
Agreed With Other Posts: 3
Members Agreed 4 Times in 3 Posts
Thanks for the memories
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in Technorati
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 03-14-2007, 03:41 PM
Made in the USA's Avatar
DodgeBoard Spirit
 

Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: By the "wind & smell", it must be an anus!
Posts: 6,616
Casino Cash: $284071
Disagrees: 8
Disagreed With 6 Times in 5 Posts
Agreed With Other Posts: 145
Members Agreed 171 Times in 100 Posts
Back in those days, they were off the cuff comments too! That makes it even better!!
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in Technorati
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks



Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On








Add to Technorati Favorites

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:15 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.0 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.2.0
Copyright DodgeBoard.com