Joke Bank

[Bargod]

President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that
Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"

The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a
real honor! . What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?

Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you,
no one gives a shit about the 140 million Muslims".

[Bargod]

The mayor of Dodge City was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Dodge. The mayor could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Dodge was full of pigeon poop. The people of Dodge City couldn't walk on the sidewalks or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to try to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.


One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition. "I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without cost to the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions. Or, you can pay me five million dollars and ask one question." The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.


The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a red pigeon. The red pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue Kansas sky. All the pigeons in Dodge City saw the red pigeon. They gathered up behind the red pigeon. The Dodge City pigeons followed the red pigeon as she flew eastward out of the city.


The next day the red pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall. The Mayor was very impressed. He thought the man and the red pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid Dodge City of the plague of pigeons.


Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for 5 million dollars and told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 5 million just to get to ask ONE question.


The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his question.


The mayor asked: "Do you have any red Mexicans?"

[Tee]

oooooh....that's just baaaaaaaaaad!!

[K C Muffin]

maybe baaaaaaad, but it made me laugh out loud! Thanks, bargod!

[jeezeweeze]

Subject: Welfare Office

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."

[TexKan]

FEMALE POEM
> > I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong
> > One who loves to listen all day long,
> > One who thinks before he speaks,
> > One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
> > I want him to be gainfully employed,
> > And when I spend his cash, not be annoyed.
> > Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
> > Massages my back and begs to do more.
> > Oh, for a man who makes love to my mind,
> > and knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
> > I want this man to love me to no end,
> > And forever to be my very best friend.
> >
> >
> > MALE POEM
> > I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs; who owns a liquor store
> > and a nice fishing boat, that will clean my motorcycle.
> > I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't care.

[lurker]

Helping the Needy.

As I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an
important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless
vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

Wearing what can only be describes as rags, carrying every worldly
possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this persons condition.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the
sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling some long ago Sunday School admonition to "care for the sick,
feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful
inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty.
A small voice inside my head called out:

"Reach out, reach out!"


So I did..........

[Made in the USA]

Poor things got a "crack" in her behind too!! But it is a "nice" crack---

[Bargod]

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said no, but the boy replied, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT'S the girl I want!" Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others? "He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he'll jump her bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease.. and HE'S the SOB who ran over my FROG!"

[lurker]

That boy should be President.