Joke Bank

[Bargod]

The Israelis and Arabs finally realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the world. They sat down and decided to
settle the whole dispute with a dogfight. The Swiss would provide neutral referees. The negotiators agreed that each country would take five years to
develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its country the right to rule the world. The losing side would have to lay
down its arms.

The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy from each litter, killed all the other puppies and fed the lone dog all of the milk. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing Machine. After the five years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars on its cage. Only the trainers could handle this
beast.

When the day of the big fight arrived, the Israelis showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Israelis. No one else thought this weird animal stood a chance against the growling beast in the Arab camp. The bookies predicted the Arabs would win in less than a minute.

They opened the cages. The Dachshund waddled toward the center of the ring. The Arab dog leapt from his cage and charged the giant wiener dog. As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast in one bite. There was nothing left but a small bit of fur from the killer dog's tail.

The Swiss referees approached the Israelis, shaking their heads in disbelief. "We do not understand. Their top scientists and breeders worked for five years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans and Rottweilers. They developed a killing machine."

"Really?" the Israelis replied smiling. "We had our top plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund!"

[Bargod]

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she's in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home...

[hoarsewhisperer]

this might be a repeat, but certainly bears repeating

A man and a woman were driving down the road
And arguing about his deplorable infidelity.

Suddenly the woman reaches over and slices
the mans penis off. Angrily, she tosses it out
the car window.

Driving behind the couple is a man and his 9 year
old daughter. The little girl is just chatting away at
her father when all of a sudden the penis smacks
the pickup on the windshield, sticks for a moment,
then flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her father,
"Daddy, what the heck was that?"

Not wanting to expose his little girl to anything
sexual at such a young age the father replies,
"It was only a bug, honey."

The daughter sits with a confused look on
her face, and after a few minutes she says,
"Sure had a big dick, didn't it?"

[Made in the USA]

Horsie! That was "terrible"!! :*******:

[hoarsewhisperer]

Originally Posted by Made in the USA

Horsie! That was "terrible"!! :*******:

HEY! did you hear about the blind guy walks into a bar with this seeing-eye dog, picks the dog up and starts swinging him around... bartender says, "Uh er can I help you?" ... blind guy says, "Nah, just lookin' around..."

[Made in the USA]

Originally Posted by hoarsewhisperer

HEY! did you hear about the blind guy walks into a bar with this seeing-eye dog, picks the dog up and starts swinging him around... bartender says, "Uh er can I help you?" ... blind guy says, "Nah, just lookin' around..."

[hoarsewhisperer]

Don't eat that spinach just yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

















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[jeezeweeze]

Subject: Gay Flight Attendant
>
>
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant,
who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and
drinks.
>
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the
aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that
he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you
could just put your trays up, that would be super."
>
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and
rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't
hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your
trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
>
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called
a Princess and I take orders from no one."
>
To which,(I swear), the flight attendant replied, without
missing a beat, "Well, sweet-! cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen,
so I outrank you, Tray-up, Bitch."

[lurker]

What isn't katty is funnee:
Go Fug Yourself: Breast Police

[lurker]

My cuzzin (tracker) sent me a picture that was taken of her while she was at werk. tracker's paw was a poleece doG and tracker's one too.


We're proud of her even though she doesn't appear to have a nose for the job.


tracker figger'd out where the runner wuz but didn't want to go there. She said that the cops could'a found him on their own.