For Miss Muffin

[Lone Gunman]

Barbie's letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing
suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from too many tea parties. I hate to break it to you Santa, but it is DEFINITELY pay back
time!!

There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you don't want to be around to smell it!) So, here's my holiday wish list for this year, Santa.

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are
these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to be cheap and mold imitation underwear to my skin? It looks like cellulite!!!

3. A REAL man....maybe G.I.Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped out excuse for a boy-toy Ken. And what's with the earring
anyway? If I'm going to have to suffer with him, for christ's sakes, make us anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just do it!!

6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!!

8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe a "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, fitted with fake fur coat, bottle of spray blood and handcuffs; or "Stop
Smoking Barbie", sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. mattel stock options. It's been 37 years-I think I deserve it!

Okay Santa, that's it. considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas. It's that simple.

Yours truly,
Barbie

[K C Muffin]

Very cute, Gunnie - my Barbies have all already laid down the law this year, too. But it's nice to see they're not alone in their quest!!!

[TexKan]

I don't think KC woulda waited 37 years for that......ROTFLMAO......Hell she would already have talked Santa into goin to the Gold's gym to buff up, dropped off Mrs. Clause at LG's house,traded that damn sleigh for a Jag, turned rudolph into a rug, and had stock options in the elves and probably bout 51%......The north Pole on the other hand would have already been deeded over.......LOL LOL......

[Lone Gunman]

Originally Posted by TexKan

I don't think KC woulda waited 37 years for that......ROTFLMAO......Hell she would already have talked Santa into goin to the Gold's gym to buff up, dropped off Mrs. Clause at LG's house,traded that damn sleigh for a Jag, turned rudolph into a rug, and had stock options in the elves and probably bout 51%......The north Pole on the other hand would have already been deeded over.......LOL LOL......

Oh yeah Mrs. Clause and I could have a couple of drinks put some music on and do the boogie-woogie.

[K C Muffin]

Wow, Texie - I've never seen that side of you. I kinda like it!!! Especially the deeding over part. Thanks!

[Lone Gunman]

Originally Posted by K C Muffin

Wow, Texie - I've never seen that side of you. I kinda like it!!! Especially the deeding over part. Thanks!

Yeah it must be the season she's in a generous mood today giving you all those thing and me Mrs. Clause.

[K C Muffin]

I dunno - have you checked my user page in a while? Tee found a Mrs. Claus that would knock your socks off! (it's actually an old pic of yours truly ha ha ha) I bet the Mrs. still has some get-up-and-go after putting up with that fatty for so long!!!

[Lone Gunman]

Originally Posted by K C Muffin

I dunno - have you checked my user page in a while? Tee found a Mrs. Claus that would knock your socks off! (it's actually an old pic of yours truly ha ha ha) I bet the Mrs. still has some get-up-and-go after putting up with that fatty for so long!!!

I agree ever since she said she would drop the misses off at my house my hearts been all a flutter.

[TexKan]

Oh LG - your just like the kid waitin on Christmas...LOL...... I just wanted to make it clear only a dumb BARBIE would write the letter and STILL sit on the shelf for purchase.........us broads here ain't so generus......LOL

[Lone Gunman]

Ken got wind of Barbies letter and wrote one of his own. I must say I think Ken bats for the other team.


Ken's letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes.

In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some issues concerning
Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.

First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential treatment-the bitch has EVERYTHING!! I, along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dream house, Corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases, the ability to change our hairstyle. I personally have 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length. My decision to accessorise my outfits with an earring was my
decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.

I, too, would like a change in my career. Have you considered :"Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon Ken", or "Out of Work Actor Ken"? In
addition, there are several other avenues which could be considered such as:"S&M Ken", "Green Lantern Ken", "Circuit Ken", "Bear Ken", "Master Ken".

These would more accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open new markets. And as for Barbie needing bendable arms so she can"push me away", I need bendable knees so I can kick that bitch to the curb.

Bendable knees would also be helpful for me in other situations-we've talked about this issue before.

In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions to the blond bimbo from hell will result in action taken by myself and
others.

PS. Barbie can forget about having Joe-he's mine, at least that is what he said last night.

Sincerely,
Ken