The Man Rules

[Mike B.]

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question to which you don't want an answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, practically anything you wear is fine...Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

[Army_of_One]

Good stuff....lol

[jeezeweeze]

I like this one


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

[hoarsewhisperer]

YOU MEN SURE HAVE IT ROUGH

The Women's Rules

The female always makes the rules

The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

No male can possibly know all the rules.

If the female suspects the MALE know all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

The female is never wrong.

If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a result of something the male did or said wrong.

The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.
The female may change her mind at any time.

The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.

The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.

The male is expected to mind read at all times.

Any attempt to document the rules could result in bodily harm.

If the female has PMS, all the rules are null and void.

The female is ready when she is ready.

The male must be ready at all time.

The male who doesn't abide by the rules can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.


Author is Unknown, but I bet it's a woman.

[JayhawkMom]

LOL! Ain't it the truth...........

[K C Muffin]

There was a group of 'rules' on the female side, too. But I can't find 'em...they were pretty funny, too. I'll have to look for them again and see if I can't post 'em.

[Jolly Rancher]

Originally Posted by K C Muffin

There was a group of 'rules' on the female side, too. But I can't find 'em...they were pretty funny, too. I'll have to look for them again and see if I can't post 'em.

LOL Look 2 posts above

[Firedog]

Good one.

[K C Muffin]

duh!!!!! sometimes I even surprise myself!

[jeezeweeze]

I have senior moments all the time.

KC...you're still a pup. Not spos'ed to have those yet......lol