chuckles

[jeezeweeze]

#1 Why you shouldn't swallow bubble gum

#2 Quarter horse

#3 Should be on a t-shirt

[357 mag]

[PGR H-D Rider]

Subject: Will Rogers' Quotes

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy some of his comments and thoughts following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:
When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

[jeezeweeze]

[jeezeweeze]

Dear Electric Customer,
Just a little note to let you know we understand your
anger in the recent price hike. But it should be noted
that you have no choice. We are a big company and you
will pay what we tell you. You have no choice. We have
the power, you need the power. So sad, too bad. Sucks
to be you. We have enclosed a little picture to help
outline our response. Have a nice day and keep those
checks coming, loser!


Sincerely,




Your Local Power Co .

[jeezeweeze]

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly
enters the front door of a
sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her
feet, she wobbles the few feet
across the store to the counter. Finally
arriving at the counter and
grabbing it for support, she asks the sales
clerk:

"Dddooo youuuu hhhave
dddddiilllldosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out
laughing, replies:

"Yes we do
have dildos. Actually we carry many
different models."
The old woman then asks:

"Dddddoooo yyyouuuu
ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee,
tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt
ttwoo inchesss ththiickk..aaand
rrunns bby bbaatteries ?

The clerk responds, "Yes we
do."



Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo
ttturrrnnn ttthe
ssunoooffabbitch offff?"