Another shrimp on the barbie

[notyoubob]

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour (Unfortunately the most stupid questions are from USA!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die
_________ _________ __
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
____________ _______ _________ _________ _________ __
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A -fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Eu rope .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?

____________ _________ _______ ____________ _________ _

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal .
____________ _________ _________ _______ _________ __

Q: Please send a list of al l doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.< BR>____________ ______
____________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
___________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first