Get those taxes paid today - DodgeBoard.com

jeezeweeze · #1 (**permalink**) 04-15-2008, 09:14 AM

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, 'Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions.' He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, 'What's your occupation?'

'I'm a Lady of the night,' she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, 'Let's try to rephrase that.'

The woman says, 'OK, I'm a high-end call girl'.

'No, that still won't work. Try again.'

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, 'I'm an elite chicken farmer.'

The accountant asks, 'What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?'

'Well, I raised a thousand peckers last year'

'Chicken Farmer it is.'

hoarsewhisperer · #2 (**permalink**) 04-15-2008, 09:50 AM

jeezeweeze · #3 (**permalink**) 04-15-2008, 09:52 AM

I am getting alot of chicken jokes in my email today....LOL

Cleanin' Chickens:

'Late again,' the third-grade teacher said to little Johnny.

'It ain't my fault, Miss Crabtree. You can blame this on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is Daddy sleeps naked!'

Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. So she asked little Johnny what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears.

Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Johnny and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth.

'You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat. And last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, 'That coyote's back again, I'm a go nna git him!'

'Stay back', he yelled to all us kids.

He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt!

To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that double barrel through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and come a sneakin' up behind Daddy. Then as we all looked on plumb helpless, old Zeke stuck that cold nose in Daddy's crack!

'Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!'

Flying Dutchman · #4 (**permalink**) 04-15-2008, 10:06 PM

I will try to tell this joke as best i remember it:

Farmer Bob was having trouble gettin his chickens to lay eggs. Seems his rooster just wasn't get the job done. So, he goes down to the market to find him a good rooster. One of his friends is there and tells him he has a rooster that will work, but it is very highly sexually active. Bob buys the rooster and takes it home.
Once there, he turns the rooster loose and immediately it begins humping the chickens. I mean it just runs from chicken to chicken-----feathers all a flying about-----just a nasty scene all the way around. Well Bob is happy and leaves the rooster to do his business.
After a few days the chickens are all laying eggs but Bob notices the rooster is humping EVERYTHING. I mean, the cat, the dog, he even saw it sitting by the pond throwing popcorn in the water trying to get the carp to come up---the damn rooster just would not stop. When it went after his wife he decided to do something.
"Listen here rooster" Bob said. "You have got to stop. You keep this up and you will kill yourself from exhursion!"
The next day Bob went out in the yard and noticed the rooster was gone. He looked all over but couldn't find him. He then noticed, laying on a hill in the field, the rooster. Bob walked over to the bird and stared at him. All sprawled out, his tongue hangin out the side of his mouth, eyes rolled back.....yep, he was dead.
"I told you, you dumb sumbitch, you would kill yourself!" he yelled.
The rooster turned his head, looked up at him and pressed one of his wing feathers up to his beak------"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh---see them buzzards up there."