All Comedy Radio "News Burps"

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"News Burps"
* The Grateful Dead will be reuniting to play at an October fund-raiser for Barack Obama. Hardly the first time the dead have helped a Chicago politician win an election.

* Michelle Obama said voters should not vote for a candidate because, “I like that guy” or “she’s cute.” You can’t vote for a candidate because they’re cute? How do you think we got stuck with Dick Cheney?

* Toilet paper researchers for Quilted Northern announced this week that they’ve developed a three-ply ultra-soft tissue. And that is why the Dow rose 400 yesterday. America is back, baby!!

* After just two lame - but high priced spots - Microsoft has dropped Jerry Seinfeld from its new ad campaign. You want to know the definition of rich? Bill Gates spent $10 million just to have a play-date with Jerry Seinfeld.

* The white pages phone listing for the Sussex County, NJ Democratic Committee office led to a phone sex line. Apparently, the staff was willing to lick more than envelopes.

"All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com

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"News Burps"
* President Bush addressed the nation last night to discuss the current financial crisis. America’s going-out-of-business sale will begin October 1st.

I really like this one:

* Senator John McCain is suspending his campaign to return to Capital Hill to help work out the bailout deal. Democrats say McCain’s return to the Senate is just a campaign stunt. Washington IS screwed up when “doing your job” considered a “stunt.”

* The National Enquirer is insisting that Sarah Palin had an affair in the mid-90s. It’s true. Todd caught her sleeping with another man’s Remington 30-ought-6 hunting rifle.

* PETA has urged Ben & Jerry’s to use human breast milk in their ice cream. You don’t want to know what PETA wants Ben & Jerry’s to use for their nuts.

* White supremacists in New Jersey were passing out anti-Obama fliers over the weekend. The obvious question: How could anybody living in Jersey feel supreme about anything?

* A man has been charged with battery after passing gas. I’m sorry. That story just does not pass the smell-test.

* Nicole Kidman says she was impregnated with the help of swimming in “fertility waters” back home in Australia. Ewww. It’s gross enough when people pee in a pool.

"All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com

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"News Burps"

* On exactly the 13th anniversary of his murder acquittal OJ Simpson was found guilty and sent away for trying to steal back his own stuff. Even Bill Maher now admits there IS a God.

* Simpson could spend the rest of his life in prison. OJ's initial comment: "This is a travesty of justice - now I'll never be able to find out who really killed Nicole."

* Barack Obama is upset that Sarah Palin accused him of "palling around with terrorists. I don't "pal around"," said Obama, "I hobnob."

* Meanwhile, Obama is now accusing John McCain of being "erratic in a crisis." This from a guy whose idea of a crisis is deciding which songs he wants Streisand to sing at his benefit. McCain denied being erratic, then bit the head off a small animal.

* Tina Fey once again lampooned Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live. How dead-on was the impersonation? It gave Rush Limbaugh a woody.

"All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com

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"News Burps"

* John McCain apologized last night to David Letterman for skipping out on his show a few weeks ago, repeatedly telling Dave “I screwed up.” Words you never thought you’d hear ANY politician say. Words like “I did not have sex with that woman”

* We’re learning more about the now-famous “Joe the Plumber.” Turns he charges double for any campaign mentions on weekends. Triple on holidays.

* At a campaign event, Joe Biden said Obama’s economic recovery plan comes down to a “three letter word: “Jobs”! Just don’t call him “Joe the Dumber.” That would be mean.

* Britney Spears has the new number 1 single in America! Spears was elated, “Guess I can now afford panties.”

* Britney’s single “Womanizer” jumped 95 spots, the biggest jump in Billboard history. Sanity was such a good career move.

* Project Runway announced its latest winner Wednesday night, designer Leanne Marshall. Does knowing that make me gay?
"All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com

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Watch out Tina Fey, Sarah Palin elects to go on 'Saturday Night Live'

By RICHARD HUFF
Daily News TV editor
Updated Friday, October 17th 2008, 6:49 PM

Applewhite/AP
Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin will get her chance to show...
... Tina Fey how it's done.



Sarah Palin must believe that she's good enough, she's smart enough, and, doggone it, she's gonna make "Saturday Night Live" fans like her.
Wink, wink.

After weeks of being mocked by Tina Fey and the cast of "Saturday Night Live," the hockey mom-turned-GOP veep nominee will appear on the NBC comedy show this weekend."
RELATED: POLL: VOTERS SOURING ON MCCAIN

"I haven't seen a script - not at all," Palin told syndicated radio host Neal Boortz Friday. "Haven't been hinted about what that script is going to say."

Palin said she wanted to go on "SNL" to "show Americans that we will rise above the political shots that we take because we're in this serious business for serious challenges that are facing good American people right now.

"We can do that, even I guess, through a skit or two on 'Saturday Night Live,' so be it," she added.
RELATED: McCAIN, OBAMA SHARE LAUGHS AT AL SMITH DINNER

An "SNL" spokesman declined to discuss whether Palin would be on or not.
Saturday's host is Josh Brolin, who stars in Oliver Stone's critically praised film "W." about President Bush.

Asked by CBS' David Letterman about Palin going on "SNL" earlier this week, John McCain suggested the sketch comedy would "probably get more of an audience than our debate did."
RELATED: McCAIN STOPS BY LETTERMAN SHOW

Since Palin emerged on the national political scene, she's become regular fodder for the show, which has generated big ratings because of the buzz.
When the season started, Fey, the former "SNL" headwriter and Emmy-winning "30 Rock Star," returned to portray Palin, and poke fun at some of the Alaska politician's quirky interviews. She's earned raves for her dead-on impression.

"Not since 'Sling Blade' has there been a voice that anybody can do," Fey told Letterman last night. "Anybody can take a swing at this voice."
Fey shared her formula: "It's a little bit 'Fargo,' it's a little bit Reese Witherspoon in 'Election."'

She said dropping g's and emphasizing her r's seal the deal.
"She's digging those r's," Fey said. "I think she thinks there's oil in those r's - she is digging deep!"

You betcha!
rhuff@nydailynews.com

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"News Burps"
* Sarah Palin made her highly anticipated debut on “Saturday Night Live.” That whole Tiny Fey-Sarah Palin thing is just too weird. Backstage when Tig started crying, it was Fey who started lactating.

* Sarah Palin crossing paths with Tina Fey? It was like Joe Biden crossing paths with a doorknob. The resemblance is uncanny.

* Thanks to Palin, SNL had its highest ratings in 14 years. Even more good news, Alec Baldwin finally found a woman he hates more than Kim Bassinger.

* Former Bush Cabinet member General Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama yesterday. He said Obama offers the US “new and exciting leadership”. Then he added: “and that old guy gives me the heebie-jeebies”.

* Madonna and Guy Ritchie have reportedly agreed to a financial settlement. He’ll get his freedom, $60 million, a Pub they purchased and an estate in England. That’s not a settlement. That’s “died and gone to heaven”.

* Word is Madonna spent so much time in the gym that it ruined the couple’s sex life. Apparently Alex Rodriguez isn’t the only dumbbell who wrecked Madonna’s marriage."All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com

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"News Burps"

* The Republican National Committee has reportedly budgeted $150,000 on wardrobe for Sarah Palin. Fifty grand for the clothes and a 100 grand for the dry cleaning after the mudslinging.

* Sarah Palin did a long sit down interview with CNN. Apparently it IS okay to meet with your enemies without preconditions after all.

* John Kerry joked the other night about John McCain wearing adult diapers. Well, McCain has said he wanted to stop all the leaking going on in Washington.

* In an interview conducted while he was working on a foundation with Barack Obama, William Ayers declared he was part anarchist, part Marxist…and scariest of all, part of the original lineup of N Sync.

* New editions of Guitar Hero and Rock Band are hitting the street. In the new Guitar Hero, you get extra points if you smash your egomaniacal lead singer with your axe. "All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com

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"News Burps"

* The Obama Campaign has cut off a TV station in Orlando, FL from any more interviews after an anchor asked Joe Biden a couple of tough questions. You know, like, “How many letters in the word ‘Jobs’?”

* The interviewer asked if Obama’s economic philosophy was Marxist. “No, he’s not Marxist,” thundered Biden, “He’s more of a Three Stooges kind of guy.”

* Obama said over the weekend that McCain is to Bush as Robin is to Batman. Comparing Bush to Batman is the nicest thing anyone’s said about the guy in four years.

* Sarah Palin is back to wearing her own wardrobe. So that’s what a moose-skin blazer looks like.

* Amy Poehler gave birth Saturday, hours before she was scheduled to appear on “Saturday Night Live.” Well, just share a stage a few minutes with Sarah Palin and you start popping kids out.

* “High School Musical: Senior Year” had the biggest opening of any musical in history, $42 million. In this film, Try and Gabriella finally do the nasty. Yep. They TeePee somebody’s house.

* ABC has reportedly ordered Elizabeth Hasselbeck to no longer wear a McCain t-shirt on The View. In fact, from now on – and in an effort to boost male viewership – the battle between Hasselbeck and the other hosts will now be “shirts and skins.”

* "All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com

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"News Burps"

* Barack Obama’s 30-minute campaign ad aired on nearly a dozen channels last night. He spent 4 million dollars to argue that he’s going to combat wasteful spending.

* Obama vowed that if the American people elect him we can “change the country” - “Yeah - into France.”

* Joe the Plumber plans on recording a country album. Some tunes he’s already recorded: “Take This Tax Hike and Shove It!”; “All My Taxes Live in DC”; “Help Me Make It Through the Election Night”; and “On the Road Again” - because, well, you gotta do some Willie Nelson.

* Whoopi Goldberg says Elizabeth Hasselbeck gets more death threats than anybody on “The View.” And that’s just from Joy Behar.

* The Philadelphia Phillies are your World Champions. You gotta problem with dat? It was bitterly cold in Philly. How cold? Players didn’t need steroids to have their package shrink.
* "All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com -

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