All Comedy Radio "News Burps"

[jeezeweeze]

Last week was my birthday
and I didn't feel very well
waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!",
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
" Happy Birthday."

I thought...

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids...
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! "
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !"

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?"

I responded,
"I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?"
She said,
"Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
" Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing "Happy Birthday".


And I just sat there...



On the couch...



Naked.

[K C Muffin]

I love the hell out of that one. Some stupid idiot agent made a pass at me at lunch the other day. He's lucky he's still alive. This guy probly isn't....

[Made in the USA]

Some stupid idiot agent made a pass at me at lunch the other day. He's lucky he's still alive. .

I hope it was "Agent 007"!

[K C Muffin]

I wish! But no. He's one of the Brooke disenfranchized agents. He's having a hard time building files since everything was stored electronically and has been disabled by the attornies. I was offering to help (for a percentage of the business being written out of our shop.....). He took it a ways further than that. What a d!ck. He'll be lucky if we end up writing anything for him, much less spending hours helping him rebuild files...... He's smart, good looking and fun to talk to, but personal is personal and business is business. I didn't mix 'em even when I was single. Even if I did, he's married (for a million years) with 4 kids. I'm married with 4 kids. Who wants to screw that up?

[Made in the USA]

Don't mess with the "Sistas"!!

[K C Muffin]

Don't mess with the "Sistas"!!

Exactly what I was thinkin'.....

[KONQ RADIO]

"News Burps"
* Barack Obama got testy with reporters who followed him when he went trick-or-treating with his daughter. The trouble started when he forced other children to hand over their candy to kids too lazy to trick-or-treat.

* Election is one day away. And how confident is Obama? He’s told ACORN they can knock off their ballot stuffing early today.

* Barack tells MTV he’s against gay marriage, but also against California’s Proposition 8 which would define marriage as union between a man and a woman. What skill. Most politicians have to wait to get to the end of a sentence before flip-flopping.

* John McCain still insists he’s going to win. “Straight Talk Express - Next Stop Dreamland!”

* Paris Hilton says the men in her life were just in it for the sex and fame. Hmm - perhaps the camera in your bedroom should have been your first clue.
* "All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com

[KONQ RADIO]

"News Burps"

* Election Day. It’s all over, except the voting…and the lawsuits, and the accusations, and the laying of blame, and the establishment of 2012 exploration committees, and the -

* Barack Obama maintains the lead in polls, but John McCain insists he’s still going to win. And by win he means return to his hot zillionaire wife with the beer distribution company.

* The white grandma Barack Obama compared to Reverend Wright during the primaries has passed away. And no, it was not from injuries sustained this summer when he threw her under the bus.

* In newly discovered audio tape, Barack Obama expresses his plans to bankrupt coal companies and send electric bills sky high. Who cares, as long as he looks good in that Inaugural tux?

* Sarah Palin was the victim of a prank call by Canadian DJ’s pretending to be the French President. The jocks were very believable. In fact, during the call they offered to surrender the French Riviera to Alaska.

* "All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com

[KONQ RADIO]

"News Burps"

* Barack Obama has been elected the 44th President of the United States. Then why did McCain seem to be the happier one?

* Barack Obama will become this nation’s first African-American President. Oh, who we kidding. Oprah’s been running this country for years.

* It was the biggest turnout in history. Obama even got more votes than David Cook!

* John McCain gave a very gracious concession speech - congratulating Obama, thanking supporters, thanking Sarah Palin - and thanking the concierge at the Hanoi Hilton for help making it all possible.

* Obama spent part of the afternoon playing basketball. Saw him make this great move. He faked down the center and drove hard left.

* One million people reportedly crammed into Chicago's Grant Park to celebrate Obama's victory. The weather's unseasonably warm. Heck, if he can make the seas rise and fall, a thermometer shouldn't be that hard.

* "All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com

[KONQ RADIO]

"News Burps"

* The world seemed to celebrate and rejoice in the election of Barack Obama. What we didn’t know is Obama promised the world free tickets to Disneyland.

* For us it was an election. For the rest of the planet, it was the year’s best new reality show.

* Barack Obama spent part of his first day as President-Elect in the gym. If you’re gonna carry the weight of the world on your shoulders it’s probably a good idea to hit the Nautilus.

* Obama will be getting his first major intelligence briefing today. You can imagine that. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. When do I get to see the files on Roswell?!?!”

* Michelle Obama is getting some criticism for the dress she wore election night. Yep. Honeymoon’s over and they haven’t even gotten to the reception.

* Al Franken appears to have lost his Senate bid by just a few hundred teeny-tiny votes. It’s the first time Franken’s made anybody laugh in 20 years.

* Washington voters approved a measure allowing assisted suicide. What do you expect from a state so gloomy its state bird is a vulture.

* Finally - back to a vote that REALLY matters. Susan Lucci was voted off “Dancing with the Stars.”

* "All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com