All Comedy Radio "News Burps"

[KONQ RADIO]

All Comedy Radio "News Burps"
* Senator Barack Obama now has enough delegates to lock up the democratic nomination. In an emotional speech last night he declared his victory and then declared: “I’m going to Disneyland”!!
* Hillary did not concede the race, urging supporters to go to her website and offer ideas on what she should do. That website, of course, is www.ImLivingInDenial.com.
* Hillary Clinton said yesterday for the first time she’d consider being Obama’s Vice President. He’ll put her on his ticket - and then put a food-taster on his payroll.
* Obama becomes the first black to top a major party ticket. Race shouldn’t be a factor in the election…unless you’re talking about John McCain’s race against father time.
* John McCain is going to fight hard to woo Hillary’s voters. How far is he going to attract female voters? He actually invested two and a half hours watching “Sex and The City.”
* Actress Gina Gershon is denying Vanity Fair’s suggestion she’s having an affair with Bill Clinton. Gina made the denial while dropping off several blue dresses at the dry cleaners.
"All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com

[KONQ RADIO]

Some 'Tubes' of interest:

YouTube - Zürich Chamber Orchestra | Roller Coaster One minute long a very enjoyable

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33DqfL7JepE Two and a half minutes.

[jeezeweeze]

[KONQ RADIO]

"News Burps"
* Tornados touch down near Denver on eve of Democratic National Convention. According to unconfirmed reports, Hillary was seen flying around in the tornado, shouting, “I’ll get you, my pretty! And your doggie “Joe” too!”

*Barack Obama has chosen the chatty Joe Biden as his running mate. Joe spends so much time with his foot in his mouth he flosses with his shoelaces.

* The McCain camp says Obama didn’t choose Hillary because she spoke the truth about him during the campaign. “Not true,” responded Obama, “We went with Biden ‘cause Hillary’s just creepy!”

[KONQ RADIO]

"News Burps"
* Hillary Clinton gave her big speech to the Democratic Convention last night. “Ask not what your country can do for you,” she said, “But what Obama can do to get rid of me.”
* Authorities now say the alleged plot against Obama Thursday night posed no credible threat. However, say authorities, they are still keeping their eyes on the Clintons.

[KONQ RADIO]

"News Burps"
* Barack Obama is officially the Democratic nominee, surprising everyone by dramatically showing up at the end of Joe Biden’s speech. Three days out of the spotlight was simply more than the rock-star candidate could endure.

* Tonight, Obama will give his acceptance speech on a set that looks like an ancient Greek temple or Roman coliseum. In fact, as part of the entertainment, the Democrats will feed conservative Christians to the lions.

* Bill Clinton isn’t staying in Denver for the acceptance speech. Once he found out the Mile High City had nothing to do with Mile High Club, he was outta there.

* Obama’s people gave Bill Clinton ten minutes for his speech. 10 minutes? He’s got pick-up lines that take longer than ten minutes.

* VP nominee Joe Biden gave his big speech last night. He thanked his family for their support. He thanked Obama for his vote of confidence. And he thanked the National Enquirer for narrowing the field of competition.

[KONQ RADIO]

"News Burps"
* Barack Obama gave his acceptance speech last night in front of 85,000 adoring supporters. And that was just the media.

* Obama urged Americans on November 4th to chant, “Eight is Enough!” “Eight is Enough!” Then again, McCain does look a little like Dick Van Patten.

* That massive set at Mile High Stadium was built by the same company that did Britney Spears’ last concert set. Thankfully, however, Barack did choose to wear underwear for his speech.

* Obama said this campaign has “never been about me. It’s about you.” That’s true. Last night, 85,000 camped out in my backyard to hear my thoughts on alternative energy.

* John McCain turns 72 today and will celebrate with his new running mate. You know you’re getting old when you’d rather have Mitt Romney (or whomever) pop out of your cake than a hot babe.
"All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com

[KONQ RADIO]

"News Burps"
* The GOP Convention got back to normal last night. For those who missed it: McCain good. Obama bad. Palin hot.

* How happy was McCain that Bush wasn’t actually there? Happier than Cheney watching water-boarding videos…Happier than Sarah Palin finding the Pill in her other daughter’s handbag.

* Karl Rove Called Joe Biden a “blowhard doufus” the other day. You don’t spend all those years at Bush’s side without learning a little something about doufuses.

* Barak says his experience running the campaign gives him more experience than Sarah Palin. A word of advice: Never get into an “Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better” argument with a woman who kills her own food.

* Voice-Over King Don LaFontaine has died at the age of 68. Apparently God wanted His Own voice back.

"All Comedy Radio" - www.allcomedyradio.com

[KONQ RADIO]

"News Burps"
* Sarah Palin went Prime Time last night and went on the attack. Tough? Forget Moose season, forget Bear season. This woman has declared open “Obama Season”.

* It was a family affair last night. Not only were all of Palin’s kids and McCain’s kids there…by the end Democrats were saying, “Uncle.”

* How long before Palin starts getting spelled “B-I-T-C-H”?
Among her digs: “The American Presidency is not supposed to be a journey of personal discovery.” Forget a flak jacket, Barrack, the Secret Service will be fitting you for an athletic CUP!

[KONQ RADIO]

"News Burps"
* John McCain told America last night to “Stand Up and Fight.” So, Sarah Palin dropped her gloves to the ice and punched out 96 year old Mamma McCain.

* McCain was interrupted several times by anti-war protesters. As if we weren’t already having enough Viet Nam flashbacks.

* 40 million people watched Sarah Palin’s speech Wednesday night. That’s expected to be a few millions more than the number who slept through McCain’s.

* The group Heart is angry that the GOP has been using “Barracuda” in tribute to Sarah Palin and asked the McCain camp to cease and desist. So, once again this morning the Republicans have no Heart.

* Barack Obama told Bill O’Reilly the Surge in Iraq worked beyond anyone’s “wildest dreams.” ‘But,” added Obama, “David Spade knocking up a Playmate is REALLY beyond anyone’s wildest dreams.”

* The Super Bowl Champion New York Giants took on Washington in the NFL Season Opener. Then again, these days, EVERYBODY’s taking on Washington.