Don't take a man shopping ...

[Binky Bainbridge]

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or
boyfriend along shopping

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in
Oxford, (Tesco is Britain's biggest supermarket chain):

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty
Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you
and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his
antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months, all verified by
our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3 in housewares"..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,
he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle asked an assistant if she knew where the
anti-depressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled

"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices
again."

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

Yours
sincerely,

Charles Brown
Store Manager

[KONQ RADIO]

Now we know the reason for your spare time










now spent here....

[Binky Bainbridge]

Now we know the reason for your spare time

now spent here....

The doctor says I can go back to work soon, the medication is working ....

[K C Muffin]

That was good, Binks! Funnnnneeeee

[Justoo]

The doctor says I can go back to work soon, the medication is working ....

Will staff escort you to work or will you be released without condition?

[Binky Bainbridge]

Will staff escort you to work or will you be released without condition?

I can only work for four hours each day initially and there'll be a nurse on hand to give me an injection should I have a funny turn - but all-in-all its better out than in as they say!

The only thing I really hate is the strange jacket they make me wear, it ties up at the back and I can't move my arms - I tried driving once - I took the opportunity when the nurse taking me back to the hospital got out of the car, I jumped into the driving seat but I just couldn't steer the car out of the hospital grounds. I crashed into a bush. No not that Bush, unfortunately!

[Aereth]

Then it's a good thing that I don't like shopping :p

[Justoo]

Things are looking up for you then!!

[pootsy]

That is one of the funniest things I have read for along time. I am going to do some of those next time I go to Wally World

[pootsy]

My husband does things like this as well.....He told me he used to put Black shoe Polish or something real black on phone receivers on pay phones...he would them sit across the street, call the phones, and watch people answer them!!! Hahahaha