Cop Humor

[TexKan]

Ya know I just love this stuff!! Not sure how TRUE the premlim. statement is - most cops aren't supid enough to actually "say" what they are thinkin. Specially not on any tape. My guess is these are more "thoughts'" that were said in a safe enviorment. One of our "safe" places is called Pig Pen...... local bar owned by cop. I can see these comments in there......LOL



So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor.... The
following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country:

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out
after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey shit"

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail."

AND yes, the best one (although, I really like #8)...

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't...
Sign here."

[NoLongerInRadioGuy]

Gotta admit - I have used #5, #4, and #3 before...

Usually use the "Just how big were those two beers?" line while I am watching the results of a PBT going over .2 lol