If My Body Was A Car

[Lone Gunman]

If my body was a car!


If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick.

My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood!

Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.

I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it - almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

[Army_of_One]

At least you don't have any rust!!!

[hoarsewhisperer]

Originally Posted by Army_of_One

At least you don't have any rust!!!

A little off topic, but you brought it up first

from another board:

Advice Needed Please
I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up.

She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them".

I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi?

I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her.

I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was while that i was crouched behind my car when I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

So what should I do? Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Auto Zone and try to repair it myself?

[Highwayman]

It ain’t how you look, it’s what you got under the hood.

For many of us, it ain’t the years, it’s the mileage.

[K C Muffin]

Hey, hoarsie! That was good and clean! I cut n pasted it and sent it to all my favorite boy friends!

[hoarsewhisperer]

Originally Posted by K C Muffin

Hey, hoarsie! That was good and clean! I cut n pasted it and sent it to all my favorite boy friends!

I'll be checking to see if i have rust around my rear wheel arch this eve

[Lone Gunman]

Originally Posted by hoarsewhisperer

I'll be checking to see if i have rust around my rear wheel arch this eve

Buy some stuff from Auto Zone and we'll help you fix it.

[K C Muffin]

Nice. Notice that? He wants you to buy the stuff at Auto Zone, then he'll come over and fix the rust. tsk tsk tsk

[Lone Gunman]

Originally Posted by K C Muffin

Nice. Notice that? He wants you to buy the stuff at Auto Zone, then he'll come over and fix the rust. tsk tsk tsk

Okay, okay I'll buy the stuff at Auto Zone and come over and fix it. I don't want you to think I'm cheap.

[K C Muffin]

That's the boy, Gunnie! Always lookin' to please, huh?

So are you comin' to Kansas City sometime soon? I think the VW's about due for some work again...............