This Just In!

[lurker]

Jacko Running For Foley's Seat

by Joe Gandelman

THIS JUST IN from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:

Jacko Running For Foley's Seat
King of Pop Makes First Foray into Politics

In a stunning development that could radically alter the electoral landscape in the upcoming midterm elections, the singer Michael Jackson announced today that he would run for the seat vacated last Friday by former Rep. Mark Foley (R-Fla.)

Mr. Jackson told reporters that he had never shown much interest in politics before, but added, "When I started reading about Mark Foley, I realized that the House of Representatives was my kind of place."

The platinum-selling recording artist drew big crowds in his first day of campaigning, delighting onlookers in Orlando by getting out of his limo and dancing on its roof.

But in one regrettable gaffe for the novice politician, Mr. Jackson kissed a baby in Daytona Beach and then dangled the child from a hotel balcony.

"My bad," Mr. Jackson later said.

House Republicans expressed muted support for Mr. Jackson's election bid, with Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert saying that he knew of nothing in the singer's past that would prevent him from serving ably in the House.

"Michael Jackson has done a lot of positive things, especially in the field of mentoring," Mr. Hastert said.

According to Buddy Schlantz, a veteran talent agent and observer of the entertainment scene, transforming himself from King of Pop to congressman from Florida could prove to be a shrewd image makeover for the tabloid-ready Mr. Jackson.

"In the outside world, Michael Jackson seems weird and maybe even a freak," Mr. Schlantz said. "But once he's in Congress he'll seem perfectly normal."

[hoarsewhisperer]

hummmmmmin' Billie Jack is not mah luvvvah....